Listen kid, if y’walk inta The Refuge on the Fourth’a July and don’t ordah the lobstah roll, honestly, what’re we even doin here.
Yeah, it’s gonna cost ya an ahm and a leg. Foah showah. Y’know why? Cuz these goddamn bugs aren’t crawlin outta Trail Creek. They’re gettin flown halfway across the continent from Maine so some guy in Victor can sit outside with a beah and pretend he owns a boat in Glostah.
Forty-five cash. Sixty if y’pay with a cahd. Which honestly is the most honest pricing model in America. They’re basically lookin ya dead in the eye sayin: “Buddy, if Visa wants a cut, that’s your problem.”
And still? Worth it.
Cuz for about seven minutes, life gets unbelievably simple.
Cheap-ass hot dog bun. Not brioche. Not artisanal. Not locally baked by some guy named River. The cheapest white bread vehicle legally allowed ta be called a bun. Cuz everybody from New England knows the bun’s just structural support foah the lobstah anyway. Half the people eatin it’re usin a fork like civilized human beings by minute three irregardless.
Lobstah meat overflowin out the sides like they stopped measurin at some point (4 oz exactly) and just said “ahhh screw it.” Little mayo, little lemon, maybe a dustin’a Old Bay if the cook’s feelin theatrical. Napkins immediately useless by bite two.
Pictcha this: You’re sittin outside at the Refuge watchin the parade, somebody’s kid runnin around tryin ta grab candy off the pavement on Main Street at 11 AM, Willie Nelson or Springsteen driftin through the speakers, and every single person there knows they’re overpayin but nobody cares because it’s the Fourth’a July, this’s America, and you deserve a goddamn lobstah roll, kid.
You don’t eat a lobstah roll fast because you’re hungry. Y’eat it fast because structurally the situation’s deterioratin in real time.
By the end ya got mayo on ya fingers, chips all ovah the tray, maybe a beah sweatin through a papah coaster, and y’staht mentally justifyin whether a second one constitutes “financial irresponsibility” or “supportin local business.”
That’s summah in Victah right there. Deal with it.